Help with Your Online Dating Profile

Written by Jennifer Nickert

Let’s face it, everyone knows the art of the spin these days, secretaries are executive assistants, janitors are Industrial technicians, the slightly obese are voluptuous and the 300lb 5’6 ex high school athlete puts his body type as athletic.  Who are we kidding???  NOBODY! 

While you want to make yourself appealing and put flattering photos on your profiles and dating sites you don’t want to lie or have 10 year old photos of you when you looked your best.  The first rule of Internet dating is to be HONEST.  Yep, I said it.  There is no need to lie about anything, that’s the beauty of the net, there is no face to face rejection.  2,000 people may look at your profile and decide you are not for them, but the 3 that thought you were kinda cute and contacted you are all that matter.  Of those 3 that contacted you one may be on the sex offenders list, one may like to wear women’s clothing, but that last one he might be a great guy who has been waiting for someone just like you. 

The first rule of online dating profiles:  Put up RECENT pictures of yourself!

When I say recent I mean within the last 4 months, preferable in the last week.  No excuses.  Everyone and their mother owns a digital camera and if you don’t, you borrow one or ask a friend to take your photo.  The beauty of digital is you can take hundreds of photos for free until you get that “one” that makes you look adorable.  Everyone should have at minimum 4 photos of themselves on different days in different clothing.  I’ve seen too many men in tuxes at a wedding who looked dashing only to discover it was one wedding 5 years ago, 40lbs ago, countless hairs and he prefers to wear sweats and a wife beater*.    Meaning everyone has one great photo, you want to see a variety of pictures and poses. 

Do:  Do have at least one close up of your face, and one full body shot.  Really any photos will do, but put some effort and imagination into it.  If you like golf, get some shots of you playing golf.  If you own a motorcycle get some shots of you and the bike, but with the helmet off. 

Do label your photos, list the dates and state who the people are in the photos if you have to have someone in them.  It’s best to cut others out of the photos especially the opposite sex, even if it’s a sister or brother, it’s confusing.

Don’t:  Don’t have pics of you flipping the middle finger, the devil sign, the peace sign or any other sign.  It makes you look like a moron.  If you are bald don’t wear a hat in every photo, when you finally meet someone they will notice, it’s best to be upfront and weed out anyone who will reject you in person for your lack of hair follicles.

If you’re overweight, best not to have pics of you eating that big bite of cheesecake, it sets the wrong tone.  Also don’t have deceiving pictures of you when you were 50lbs lighter. DO NOT show cleavage or NUDITY.  I network and talk to men and women every single day of my life and while men are attracted to cleavage (My friend Gordie even says cleavage shots get his attention first) they do not want to treat those boobs respectfully and take them home to Mom, they want to molest them and write to Hustler.  Men, stop e-mailing, posting and texting pictures of your junk, we’re not that turned on.  Most of the time you’re not that impressive and we lie and tell you we liked it so we don’t hurt your feelings.  We don’t like it.

The second rule of online dating profiles:  Tell the TRUTH!

Don’t lie about your looks, height, job, single status, etc.  Just don’t.  While telling the truth is important and the right thing to do, you don’t have to reveal EVERYTHING.  If you live with your mother, don’t lie and say you own your own mansion, just omit that part from your biography until you can meet and explain the situation in person. 

The third rule of online dating profiles:  Just be yourself!

You may have insecurities and feel nobody will want to date you if you act like yourself, but the only way you are going to be happy is to be yourself.  Don’t say you like polo and wine when you are happier playing pool and drinking a beer with friends. 

The thing is you may get a lot less responses if you put an accurate pic, your real age, or how many children you have, but the quality of the people responding will be much higher.  Do you want to hear from 10 people who will meet you and never call you again or worse walk out on the date with a terrible excuse or do you want to meet 1 person who will accept you and think you are perfect for them?  4 Thoughtful and Cheap Dates

Suggestions: 

Be witty, be funny, and be unique.  If I read one more profile that says they are looking for someone special and they don’t want drama I will scream.  Who wants drama?  I think this is the most over used word in profiles today, mostly by men.  They think any disagreement or anything not fun that comes up in life is drama.  Saying it in your profile is not going to keep it from your life, things come up.

Keep it clean.  There is no need to swear, be suggestive (unless it’s really funny), hateful to anyone, or flip people off in your pictures.  Oddly this happens enough to warrant this suggestion.  This is your one and only time to make an impression, you get maybe 5 seconds of time to tell your story and give a glimpse into your personality.  Sadly ladies, most men view your pictures and will email you or not solely based on your looks, they rarely read the profile.  Men,  women will almost ALWAYS read your profile.

Fill the form out.  There are so many profile that say, “ask me anything”, “I hate filling these things out”,  “Insert witty line here” or something equally as lame.  If you can’t take the time to fill out a simple form or you can’t be creative enough, it tells me you are too lazy or uncreative to put thought into me and our dates and life.    I like to get a sense of the person, can they type a sentence? How is their spelling?  DO THEY TYPE IN ALL CAPS?  Do they talk in slang (yo, waz up?  Waz good… etc…)?  These things tell a lot about someone.  Don’t be a party pooper take the 5 minutes and fill it out, or get a friend to help or hire me to do it for you.

Don’t be negative.  Life is hard enough without someone by your side who is down on the world.  Yes, you’ve been hurt before, we all have.  Telling someone not to play games or hurt you is not going to make them treat you well, it just shows how negative you are being.  Just be positive and listen to your gut when you meet them.  Don’t talk badly about your exes, your horrible dates, your awful family or your crappy underpaid job and if you are a widow keep the lost spouse out of the first date at least.  Who wants to date that? 

Put it out there.  Don’t be afraid to tell your heart’s desire, write what you ideally would like in a relationship and a partner.  If you won’t date anyone but a firm hard bodied athlete say so, but do it in a kind way.  I’ve seen on profiles, “Open to anyone but fatties”, or “No fat chicks”.  It’s mean and shows how shallow you are.  Say, “I am active and want someone who enjoys working out as much as I do.”  If you don’t work out and you’re looking for firm hard bodies, get some perspective, it’s not going to happen. 

Be realistic and open minded.  You can be as specific as you want, but the more specific you are the more people you rule out.  If you say I am looking for a tall man, your soul mate, who is 5’10 might think he’s too short for you and pass your profile on by.  Men tend to want someone way younger than them.  Over and over and over again I see 40 year olds who won’t date anyone over 36 or one 50 year old was looking for an 18 to 35 year old.  COME ON!  Men tell me it’s because they are youthful and need someone youthful too.  Women feel youthful and fun too at all ages.  The woman of your dreams and the one who will make you the happiest are usually not the same lady at first.  Someone closest to your age is always your best bet.  Everyone gets old, everyone sags, and everyone changes, find someone with a personality you want to be around with in your old age playing with the grandkids.

There is so much more, I should write a book, but the main things I would like you to get is just be whoever you are.  Someone will love that sci-fi geek in you, someone will think your crow’s feet are beautiful, the story of all your smiles, and someone will cherish you for who you are.  Don’t be afraid, take a deep breath and give yourself a chance.

 *A wife beater is a plain white thermal tank top that men usually wear as an under shirt.  Given its name because of the stereotype of the many men who beat their wives and live in trailer parks wear them.

How to Find Friends and Romance Online.